A little music from me to you.

Over my years (which, to me, seem to be much more numerous than my age would imply) I have used music as an outlet for almost everything. I would either listen to a song that applied to my situation, or write one. I think I wrote my first song at 10 years old about the first boy who ever called me "hot." I seemed to be in love with this image of him I had created in my head. When I saw him in the middle school hallways, I was in love. He probably had no idea who I was, though our entire three grade middle school had less than 150 students. As my obsession with this older man (he would have been 11) grew, so did my jealousy for all his prissy little girlfriends. I later found out that on the night he seduced me (calling someone hot in fifth grade counts as seducing, right?), he was on a date with is girlfriend. So, as a way to recover from all of my trauma (catch me as I faint...), I wrote a song about it. Here's a few lines:

"I don't understand it; I am confused. You've got a girl, but nothing to lose. People look at you like you are bad news... get over yourself and make your move!"

I know. It's deep stuff.

My next musical escapade came when I was just getting out of a tough break up. (It really as tough. Together for two years. almost three--- I was smitten, he was older, it was rocky.) As most of my writing does, this song started out as a ranting poem. Eventually, when I calmed down, I realized that I had had a rhythm and melody in my head all along.

"I never loved you anyway, you stupid piece of shit; I hope you know you just let go of the best you'll ever get. Broken heart, you're dreaming, kid. There's no way, no how; no way to get a broken heart from someone you didn't care about. If you knew me as you thought you did, I guess you knew I'd cry, by you've probably figured out that it was all a lie."

Need a tissue?!

I didn't think this was the case at the time, but I realize now how this went. The next guy I dated was still a rebound from the previous. Though I wrote more songs about this relationship than any other, I think a lot of it was still feelings from the past magnified onto this one. Anywho, pretty much goes in stages of our relationship:

"I've never been the corny type, with me it doesn't jive; but regardless of how cliche it sounds, you make me feel alive."

The mushiness gets worse from there. It grosses me out when others write gooey-s like that... but to think of myself?! Ick. By the way, the dude I wrote the song for has never seen or heard it. I got annoyed with is constant pestering and begging of "Where's my song? Can you send the lyrics? I just wanna hear it! etc. etc. etc." Here's a tip for anyone interested: don't bug me about anything. It's a bad plan. Next song!

"Your perfect blue eyes are like daggers through the memories; your warm loving smile disappears as you're constantly reminding me that I fucked it up and that I'm not worth much. You're killing me."

Same rebound guy. I made some mistakes in that relationship... some REALLY big mistakes. But for probably a year after the fact, I have never lived it down. The rest of the songs are pretty much about that, until I got over it and decided I really didn't care what he thought.

This one jumps back to the long-term boyfriend when he jumped back into my life (and left again).

"Why do I let you walk on me? I know I'm stronger. Why do I let you bring me down? I know I'm prouder. Why do I let you make me cry, you don't even care. I'm finally letting you go, 'cause I'm tired of trying."

As immature as the songs sound now, they were exactly what I needed at the time, and that's what counts. The next one is about every caddy bitch I've ever met, and there's a lot of them. I've had a lot of two-faced friends over the years who are more concerned with fitting in with a certain group than being a good friend to people who actually care about them. This song is for you.

"Masquerade princess, queen of deception. Your meaningless promises match your value. Own up or shut up, I'm already fed up. You're fading fast, just another society lie."

Aaaaand, the last song I'm not going to share because it really has no emotional value to me whatsoever. I just woke up with a melody and a few words in my head and decided to roll with it. I'm disappointed with how it's turned out and haven't gotten around to reworking it.

I did write a rap for my Morgan, though! If you don't know who Bo-yo is, check out this link.

Hey Morgan, it's your kid sister Jess;

Just wanna let you know that you're pretty much the best.

I love you, man, and it'll always be easy;

Even when you're huge and you're rockin' with Weezy.

I wanna wish you luck, in all your endeavors,

'Cause you've influenced me- for the better.

Thanks for all you do, homie, means a lot;

So go and show the world that pretty voice that you got!

Oh, and by the way -I'm- the greatest rappa eva,

So you can tell Bo-yo to take a lesson wheneva!

WORD!

Okay, so maybe I have a few screws loose. But what fun would it be if I weren't a smidge crazy?